Don't you want a baby?
Don't you want one, ohhh!
Oh, wow. It's 9:30, guys. It's 9:30. We've got to go. Yeah, we got to go.
- What? - Come on!
- We've got to go. It's 9:30. - Come on, one more song.
- Put your drink down! We're going. - Not tonight!!
I'm gonna wait around front!
Vic, don't go! Where are you going?
If we're not back by 10:00, the baby-sitter charges double.
- And steals shit. - Come on!
- Who's your... What? - You guys.
- Go home. - No, stay.
Have sex. Because it's gonna be a while.
- Okay. - You're driving.
Thanks, Ms. K. You done us up right.
Hey, no problem. It's the least I can do, since Holly lost her job.
What?
I'm sorry.
Baby shower!
Rosie!
Hey, Rosie?
Hey, stop!
Hey, Marco! I didn't see you.
That's bullshit. You looked right at me.
How you doing? You okay?
What are you doing here?
I'm just seeing my favorite band. I asked how you were.
Sorry, I can't do this.
Rosie, I miss you.
Yeah, I miss me, too.
Well, I guess it just takes time.
Marco! What are you doing?
Really? How much time?
She's just a friend.
You lost your one steady gig and you didn't even tell me.
- Are you kidding me? - I know. I'm sorry.
I was just trying to get something else
- before you noticed. - Right.
So it would be "Hey, I got some new jobs," and not "Holy shit, we can't afford our life."
You know, I know you've been so worried about saving and the house...
Yeah, we're in this together.
Here I am, trying to get ready for something that's...
Oh. my God!
- What? - I knew it.
You're not even ready?
Look, I'm not like you, okay?
I can't just look at a picture and feel some magical bond.
And you lying to me isn't helping.
- Look, I know, okay? I screwed up. - Yeah. You did.
I just...
I just couldn't handle another thing being my fault.
Okay? I'm the one with the bad eggs.
I'm the one who made us spend the 401K money on IVF.
And I'm the one who can't do the one thing a woman is supposed to be able to do.
Holly, that's enough. Stop it.
You don't even want this, do you?
I never said that.
Not out loud.
I can't believe you didn't tell him.
You know what? Glass houses, Craig!
I know all about how you call your son "Henry" when Kara's not around.
- Holly, let's go. Let's go. - You what?
You don't like the name "Henri"?
That is such a bold-faced lie! He's obviously joking!
Guess who's not getting any tonight?
First rule, Alex!
An obvious joke that Latins with their Latin, spicy Latin sense of humor...
You've seen Univision. He was kidding.
When you look like him, you can have
- a spicy sense of humor, stupid! All right? - Get in the car.
- He was obviously kidding. - You get in the car!
Don't you talk to me like that!
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
- Do not touch me. - I love you so much.
- Shut up. I don't want to hear it. - I love you so much.
Stop talking!
Okay, here we are in Atlanta, Georgia.
Home of one of the audience favorites from Season 4.
Okay, we're popping in on him
and see how he's maintaining his weight and healthy lifestyle.
Here we go.
Drop the pig, Gary Cooper!
- What? - That's right.
Jules! Oh, my...
- It's a documentary? - Hi!
- No. It's a real thing. It's live. - What do we got there?
This isn't actually for me. I was just picking this up for a friend.
Remember this guy? See that guy?
- You remember him? - Oh, jeez.
This is a one-time thing. It's a treat.
That's what I thought you might say.
We've been doing a little recon on you.
- Nice sweater, by the way. - Thank you.
My wife is pregnant, Jules, okay?
And you know, it's really common for guys to put on a little weight as their wife does.
It's called "Couvade Syndrome" or "Sympathetic Pregnancy."
No. It's called a crutch, Gary.
Come on. We need to deal with what the real issue is.
You need to deal with it today, not 100 pounds from now.
Do you wanna be this guy again?
Could we stop this, please?
Because you don't even understand what I'm talking about.
- I don't understand? - It's not an issue you have in your life.
- Stop it. - Ever since I've had this belly
people think it's okay, not just to have an opinion about me
but to have an opinion about my baby.
Seriously, in what world is it okay for a complete stranger
to comment on my son's penis before he's even born?
Jesus! Somebody, anybody, please ask me what I'm craving.
What are you craving?
That looks pretty good.
They are really good.
They're not good for you, but they're really good.
Okay, we can cut that part out. Are we still rolling? We good?
We good? Okay, here we go.
We are gonna deal with this issue, Gary, in a very healthy way.
- Okay - I wanna hear you say, "I can do it!"
- Just like you did in Season 4. - Okay.
- I wanna hear it. Say it! "I can do it!" - I can do it!
- I can do it! I can do it! - I can do it!
- You and I are gonna do it together, Gary. - Okay!
You and I, here we go. We're gonna do lunges. Ready?
And I want it deep, to the knee, and squeeze back up.
One more. Come on in.
Let's go.
- Jules! Oh, my God! Are you okay? - Oh, my God!
- Are you okay? - No! I'm okay. Oh, my God!
- Gary. Someone's gotta call 9-1-1. - Okay, yeah.
Oh, God! No!
What's up, guys?
Guys! Hey! Whoa, whoa! Wait up.
Freeze! Don't take another step!
You told your wife Craig likes to call Henri "Henry"?
- She did not take it well. - Okay, my bad, my bad. I'm sorry.
We're here to let off a little steam. Not break up families.
Craig shouldn't have to see his kids only on weekends 'cause you got a big mouth.
Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
Darn right you weren't thinking.
You wanna adopt? Adopt some new friends.
Come on, guys. Really?
Unbelievable!
Craig! Come on, Craig!
Hey, don't think that I won't punch you in the neck
just 'cause I have an infant strapped to me.
- I still have full range of motion. - Look, I'm in crisis here. All right?
We had to pull out of the house.
Now Holly won't even talk to me. She thinks I don't want the baby.
Well, do you?
Yeah.
Really?
Okay, I don't know. I don't know.
I mean, you said this is where happiness goes to die.
Henry cries if you touch him.
You found your kid in the toilet, right?
Jordan is a spaz.
You're the spaz.
You just don't get it. We love being dads.
When I was young, I used to think I was so happy.
But now, I know I'm happy.
Exhausted
but happy-
I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Yeah. You don't know true love till you've wiped someone's butt.
Look at me, man.
I love my baby so much, I worry I'm gonna eat him.
I am a lackluster husband but an above-average dad.
You gotta figure it out, bro.
You're on your own.
Burn!
That's it? What about the "no judging" rule?
Cause I m feeling a little judged right now.
You broke the code, bro.
Yeah! Go do your pull-ups!
Davis! Davis!
The hospital said I could fly pretty soon.
Nice try.
You need to stay in bed so we can keep your contractions under control.
- You're having this baby in Atlanta. - You don't understand.
I have to get back to L.A. I have to finish my show.
And what? Have your water break at 30,000 feet?
I climbed Everest, okay?
I'm pretty confident I can keep this baby in until I get home.
I can do that, okay? I can do it.
No. You can't. You need to stay in bed.
Honestly, you don't have a choice.
Now who can you call to come take care of you?
Gary, honey, slow down! You're practically sprinting!
Okay. Okay.
Squeaks, are you sure you feel all right?
Quit asking me! I'm great!
Oh, my... Sweet bird of paradise, what is that smell?
Is that you?
If you must know it's the baby.
The baby has gas, okay? The poor little thing can't help itself.
- Kinda smelt like you, actually. - Don't talk about our baby like that!
- Hi. - Hi.
- Wow, thank you! - Thank you.
The baby just peed itself a little.
Are you sure that speaking at the Kids Expo next week is the best idea?
I need support!
Hey! Look who made it!
Come on back! These girls have got it goin' on back there!
You too, Gar. Come on! Your mom's gonna be glad to see you.
Still not my mom. She was born in '86.
All right.
- Kickin' ass, J.B. - Wendy! Come here, girl!
Foot massages and henna tats!
Neat!
Hey, you sure it's not Wendy who's having the twins?
Dad.
Son, you gotta learn to lighten up, or it's gonna be a hell of a long day.
Oh. my gosh!
.L-Hey, Gary. - Hey.
We saw you on that Lose it and Weep show.
My wife and I cried every pound you lost.
- Don't you gain it back. - Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it.
- Here you go, pal. Drink up. - No, thanks. I'm good.
So, what is it like to be the son of a racing legend?
- Yeah! - Do you ever get on the track with that guy?
One time.
The Great Go-Kart Beatdown of 1989.
- Dad, they don't wanna hear about this. - Yeah, we do.
I won.
He cheated. He cheated.
No. It was just an exercise in gamesmanship.
And beatdownsmanship.
Yeah, you win again, Dad.
Hey, where are you going? You can't walk away from a fresh margarita!
I'm not supposed to drink my calories, Dad!
We can always make it a Skinny Girl!
He's great.
He's a great kid, isn't he?
Ramsey Cooper.
I will not have my son treated like that.
Put your drink down,
get your ass out there and fix what needs fixing.
We were just having a little fun. I'm just trying to toughen him up.
He needs to heal, okay? And you need to listen. I mean it, Ram Bam.
I will not have these babies come into this world when there is strife in our family.
Now go.
Put your drink down.
And go.
Okay, Tater Tot.
It's okay. Just 'cause you have a bad dad doesn't mean you're gonna be a bad dad.
You will not ridicule, you will not compete.
I will not compete!
Are you talking to yourself again?
I need some alone time, Dad. Need some alone time.
I will not compete!
You can't get rid of me that easy.
- Oh, God! Dad, I'm not racing. - Neither am I.
I'm not falling for that trick.
Just get it off your chest, son.
I'm sick of competing with you, okay?
That's it. Just keep going. I'm listening.
- You named me Gary Cooper, for chrissake! - Get it all out.
You're the reason I got fat! You are the reason I got fat!
Whoa, ouch! That hurt. Slow down. Stop.
Really?
I guess I've been kind of a shit sandwich in the old Dad department, huh?
I saw every episode of your Lose it season.
I have the whole thing on DVD, Blu-ray.
And sometimes,
I stay up at night and I watch it over and over again.
Really?
Yeah.
This is hard for me.
But there's something that I really wanna tell you.
Okay, Dad.
Beat me home and we never have to race again!
God damn it!
This is not good parenting! I'm gonna beat you!
This is so ridiculous!
- Hey, Bob! Hey, Dave! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Sorry!
Where you going? Narnia?
You wanna go crazy? Let's go crazy!
Now that's the Cooper spirit!
Yes.
- Rubbing is racing! - Hey!
Here's a little love tap for you.
You're still cheating!
Get ready! Here comes the checkered flag!
Stop it!
There's only one número uno, son.
I'm not número dos!
Toe-to-toe!
I won!
He wasted Margaritaville.
He won!
Yeah!
Your daddy's such a good dancer.
Hello?
- Hello. - Oh, my God!
What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the show!
- Megan and I got kicked off. - Oh, my God.
Watch this. Watch this.
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
You threw your samba for me.
The judges called it a "national disaster."
I don't want anyone else taking care of you.
That's my job.
Okay, look. You were right, okay? You win...
Jules, I don't wanna be right. I don't wanna win.
I just want you and our baby safe. Okay?
That was actually, like, a national disaster right there.
Daddy's here.
I'm gonna give you the one, but it's not for the right reasons.
See you tomorrow.
If you want me to go, I'll go.
What happened to your hand?
Look. I want you to know that I get it.
I'll probably never really understand what you went through.
But I don't want that to be the reason we're not together.
You were right, I never even took you out on a real date.
But I want to.
I made these for you.
Caramels.
Piece-of-shit double boiler.
I thought you said never again.
Well, I made an exception.
Marco, the reason we're not together
has nothing to do with the fact we were gonna have a baby.
It wouldn't have worked anyway.
That's bullshit, Rosie. Give me one good reason.
Okay, you don't have a car.
What? Says the girl with the duct-taped Civic.
- Seriously? - Fine. It's not the car.
- You got me. - Then what, Rosie? What?
'Cause we were great.
You know, you have the worst taste in girls.
You go for the most obvious, least-interesting chef groupies ever.
What does that say about me if that's what you're into?
Well, they can't all be you, now can they?
- You wanna know what it is? - Yeah.
Every time I look at your face, it kills me. Is that enough of a reason?
Can we be done with this conversation, please?
Yeah. We can be done.
Here.
No. I don't even like caramels. Just keep them. Take them.
- Holly, thank you for coming. - Sure.
- I can't wait to see this. - It's a little big.
- Well, you know we wanted it big. - I know.
All right, let's see it.
You might wanna wait till you get home to open it, I think.
No, I wanna see it right here.
Okay.
I did it exactly how you want.
I love it! I love it!
- You do? Good. - I love it!
Holly!
And when you come back from Africa
I'm gonna get you to take a picture of these twins, and my stepson's baby.
I mean, you are gonna be our family photographer!
Hey!
I felt a kick in there!
I'm gonna cover this up for you.
Do you wanna feel?
Sure.
It's two in there, yeah?
- Do you feel that? - Yeah.
It really is a miracle, isn't it?
- Wendy! There you are! - Hi, here I am.
And looking so fantastic! We are so glad you agreed to speak.
Hello, there! Aren't you just loving it?
Experiencing everything for yourself?
You must be ecstatic, every second of every day.
Every day, every second, totally ecstatic.
Hey, Wendy.
We have to get some of these for the store. It tastes like real nipple.
Janice, I don't think I can do this.
I mean, I can't go out there and just act like everything's peachy.
I really feel like crap.
It's so hot.
You can do it. Just put one cankle in front of the other.
Get out there and tell the truth and share your wisdom.
Janice, I just peed myself.
- That's natural. - No, Janice.
Like a lot.
And now, please welcome our keynote speaker,
Wendy Cooper of The Breast Choice!
Hi. That's me, here?
Okay.
I sit here. Okay.
Janice?
- Janice? Sweetie? - What?
Get my speech. Get my speech.
- In my pocket! - What?
Sorry.
- Okay. - My God.
- Okay. - Hi there.
What's this liquid on my butt?
No. Don't. Okay, thank you.
Maybe I just
- peed myself 'cause I'm pregnant - No.No.
- No. - Yeah.
And that's why I go to The Breast Choice for all my pregnancy needs.
Thank you, Janice.
Okay.
- Over to Wendy. - Yep.
- Tell them about your glow. - Thank you, Janice.
The magical, happy miracle, experiencing pregnancy.
Pregnancy's glow is made from two scoops of angel kisses.
It begins when you feel the first...
Sorry.
Hormones! Right?
I just find myself crying all the time.
Okay, you know what? The truth...
The truth is...
I can't think with this thing on. I'm sorry. I am so uncomfortable.
I don't even recognize my body anymore, you know?
It's like I could fit 20 of my old bras
into this one giant piece of Granny spandex that's just...
Okay.
Thank you.
- Should we all take off our bras? - I think we're good.
- It's a bit small. - No. Please don't.
I'm sorry. I didn't think about any of this stuff
before I got pregnant.
I just wanted the glow.
The one they promise you on the cover of those magazines, with the pretty lady
looking down at her perfectly round belly with that sweet smile.
Well, I'm calling it.
I'm calling bullshit.
I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing. Pregnancy sucks.
Making a human being is really hard.
I have no control over my body or my emotions.
Gar Bear. I'm sorry.
All I wanna do is punch you in the face
but I love you so much so I don't mean it.
I love you too, Squeaks. You're doing great.
I don't know about you but I didn't get the glow. I got bacne
and hemorrhoids. Have you ever seen those?
Don't do it. Don't take the mirror down there.
And then I have these purple stretch marks everywhere.
And pressure hanging from my uterus
that makes me walk like I was kicked in the vag. I just...
Okay. Maybe it's time to stop there.
- Too far. - That's the end.
I couldn't think of another way to describe it.
That was really good.
- So... - There we go.
Thank you.
They say when it's all over
you forget the whole thing.
I, for one, really hope that's true.
Like that. I really hope I forget that.
Wendy Cooper, everybody.
...hanging from my uterus
that makes me walk like I was kicked in the...
No. I don't think you went too far at all.
Seriously. No one's even gonna see this.
This is gonna ruin my business.
This is all gonna blow over.
It's not a big deal at all for sure.
Oh, God.
Gar. No.
It's a mob. It's a mob, Gar. Look at them, they look angry.
- Hold your head high. - I can't.
Just prop it on your boobs then.
Oh, no. I'm gonna have to go into hiding.
Janice.
- Oh, my gosh. - Wendy.
Look, you got more hits than that cow dancing video.
Two million!
Hormones, hormones
Punch you in the face punch you in the face
All I want to do is punch you in the face
I just got bacne
Calling bullshit on the whole thing
Pregnancy sucks
All right, okay.
I'm coming. Just hold on to your va-jay-jays!
It's pretty good.
Yeah, Wendy is here.
Welcome to the workplace of Wendy Cooper, the star of Internet.
- Wow, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
We're definitely gonna need more nipple cream.
Wendy touched this.
Forty dollars.
All right, thank you.
Alex, Holly!
- Yes. - Right this way.
Welcome to Ethiopia.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Are you excited? - We're so excited.
Good, good. Is this your first time?
Yes. Yours?
Fifth.
Awesome.
All right then. Everybody gather up your things, here we go. Follow me.
Right this way.
I will rip this baby out myself. I swear to God, you'll see me on the news.
You want this baby on time? Try walking. That helps sometimes.
Walking.
And amazingly, even Kara is calling him Henry now. So I owe Alex big-time.
I hear you, I respect you,
- and I will take it under consideration. - Thank you.
You're very welcome.
Look who we've got here.
Trying to get that labor started, huh?
You have no idea.
Try having sex. That's the really fun part.
We're here every Saturday, bro Tweak the nipples.
- Okay. Sounds good. - Guys, look!
Davis! Davis!
Hey, wait! I got it. I got it.
- Vic, we've got to talk. - What's up?
Hey, no pull-ups, man? Are you sick or something?
What's wrong, D-Bone? You always do your pull-ups.
Remember the girl from Australia?
I remember her well. Excellent photos, Davis. Slutty, but artful.
Yeah, well...
Whoa! What is that?
Is that... Is she yours?
Yeah.
Her name's Ruby and they're moving here.
Vic, you've got to help me, man.
I don't know the first thing about being a dad.
Fellows, say hello to our newest member.
- Yes! - Let's walk, Davis.
I don't walk. I run.
Not anymore, bro. Not anymore.
Jordan! Get out of those bushes!
Davis, we are very, very psyched to have you.
So psyched! Bam!
Don't ever touch me again.
Craig, stop creeping Davis out.
Sure you got everything ready?
Yes.
What are you doing?
I'm just making sure, that's all.
I'm just... Don't, okay? I'm just trying to get ready.
I know. So am I.
It's not that I'm not ready. I'm just...
I'm scared.
I know, honey.
I'm scared, too.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
But we can be scared together We just have to jump in. All in.
I know. I'm getting there.
Okay? And...
And I know I'm gonna love him.
Because I love the hell out of his mom.
Let's go meet our son.
Okay.
Welcome back to our live Lose it and Weep finale.
We're just moments away from finding out who our big,
or shall I say "small" winner is.
Oh, my God. I'm already crying.
They look amazing.
I'd totally let that one do me.
Now, before we get down to business,
we have a little surprise for you guys. Take a look.
Hey, guys.
Hi, Jules!
I'm sorry I can't be there.
I just want to congratulate you all on working so hard.
And forget about what the scale says tonight.
You're all winners.
Son-of-a-bitch!
Jules, we're live.
Fuck!
Still live.
The censors are gonna love that.
Hey, that reminds me. How you doing there, Tater Tot?
Contractions about 17 minutes apart, Ram Bam.
Because we can leave any time.
I'm just trying to catch the part with Gary, but I can always record it.
No, baby! It's fine. I can wait.
Okay, then.
Gary, come on!
Yes, yes. I just cannot find my keys. That's all I have to do.
Hey! Look at this. I've got them.
Honey, do you have your driver's license?
- Because I don't have my driver's license. - Gar!
Calm the ef down and get the effing car.
Shitballs, man! Slow down!
- Sweetie, I just hate to see you like this... - Red light!
Big Pig!
Jesus, Gar! Keep your eyes on the road, you worthless piece of shit!
Sorry, baby, I love you. You know I do, right?
I love you, too.
- Watch the tail. - I'm watching the tail!
Oh. my God!
- My foot! My foot! - Are you okay? Is it broken?
Don't be such a baby.
Just pull into any of these spots.
- Right here. Any of these spots. - Which one?
Good. Perfect.
Don't touch!
Whoa! The floor's a little wet. They've got to do something about that.
That's my water, you idiot.
You're doing great, hon.
Man! Why did you do that?
Stop! Here comes another one. Here comes another one.
Where's the valet? I don't see a valet around here.
- Wow. Are we moving? - Yes.
- Babe, did you press the button? - Yes.
You're doing great.
Baby, watch out, the floor's wet.
What the hell is that?
We're here, Jules.
I don't care about his penis. Who gives a shit?
We're having a baby!
- Okay, okay, good. - The Baby Center.
The Baby Center. So we're in the right place.
- Hi. - Hi.
- We're the Coopers. - Hi.
- We pre-registered. - Yeah.
Okay. Got you.
- I've got my birth plan! - Aren't you organized.
Skyler Cooper.
- Another Cooper? - We reserved a deluxe suite.
And this is your father?
He's my husband.
Sorry. Husband. Great.
We're having a baby.
I know you.
I can do it!
That's it. With your help, I've lost eight pounds.
Can you help me do the same?
Do you happen to have a room service menu?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how is your pain right now?
Two.
All right. Tough girl.
Maybe a three.
Was that a contraction? I barely even felt it.
Sure was. What's your pain level, on a scale of 1 to 10?
Like a zero to a one. Because I'm smiling, we're smiling.
You're number one, baby.
Okay, who wants to have a baby?
Where the hell have you been?
Okay, let's talk pain. On a scale of 1 to 10, what do you feel?
What are you, I think, maybe a six?
What? I'm an eight! Frown, no tears. Eight.
Are you getting an epidural?
Do I look like somebody who wants to drug my baby?
Are y'all planning an epidural?
- I don't know. I guess we'll see how it goes. - Whatever.
So do you want an epidural?
Hell, no. Let's do this.
That's right.
- Here comes another one. - Okay, breathe.
- Gar? - Yeah?
I changed my mind. I want the epidural. I want it, Gary.
No, no, honey. No, no, no. You said you didn't want it
and you said that even if you did ask for it, that would just be the crazy talking...
Gary! Get me the juice!
That seemed a little crazy I will get you the juice.
I need it, Gar.
I'm sorry, baby. Just don't come back without it, okay?
- No anchovies on that, right? - Hey, Dad!
Hey, son! Hey, you, too?
It's not a race, Dad.
That's my son.
Hey! Are you the anesthesiologist?
- Yes, sir. - Okay.
My wife changed her mind. She needs the epidural right now.
I've got five women in front of her. It's gonna be a little while.
No, no, no, no. That's not okay. She's in pain.
Everybody's in pain.
Okay, hold on. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Wait, wait! Wait! - Really?
- Dad! Dad! - Yeah?
I need your money roll. I need your money roll.
Sure. How much you need?
Yeah. Okay.
The crazy lady in 408 is next.
She most certainly is, sir.
You're gonna feel a little bit of pressure in one or both legs. That's normal.
You are so clutch, baby.
So clutch.
You're at eight centimeters.
- Two more! I can push! - Two more.
Nine centimeters.
Great!
What is that in inches?
You're at ten centimeters, but the baby's not coming.
We need to prepare for a C-Section.
No, no, no, no. I have a birth plan.
Yeah, we...
I want to push. I want to push.
I know, Wendy, but the baby's heart rate is falling. We need to move now.
It's going to be okay.
But I typed it. It's typed. The birth plan, it's ready to go.
I'm ready to push. I wanna push Please, I wanna push.
Please?
So, Jules, you've been doing well. Let's take a look, all right?
Okay. Let's do this.
Push.
Here we go.
- Let's do it. - Say "I can do it."
- Push. - I can do it.
Say "I can do it."
- I can do it! - Come on, Jules. Yeah!
I can do... No, I can't do this!
Okay, Skyler.
You're doing great, Tater Tot. Just hang in there.
Bear down and give it all you've got. Ready?
Okay, hang on. I have to sneeze.
Wow. That's one baby out.
One down, one to go.
You did this to me!
That pig is wearing flippers.
Clamps.
I love morphine.
Don't you love morphine, Gar?
Yeah.
We should get some for the house.
Okay.
That's good. That's good. Almost there.
You're doing great, Squeaks. This guy's got a real steady hand.
- You're fine. - Yeah.
Here he is.
Congratulations.
Congratulations, Daddy.
Okay, Jules. This is it. Are you ready?
All right. I need you to bear down and push. All right? Here we go.
- Okay. - Push! Push! Push!
Come on, Jules. You can do it.
All right. All right.
I see his head, Jules.
- Give me one more giant push, all right? - He's beautiful.
I need the shoulders out. And push!
That's good. That's good.
All right.
And it's a girl!
It's a girl!
- A girl's good. I like girls. - It's a girl.
There she is. Hi.
Hi, baby girl.
Hello, Emerson. I'm your mommy.
Emerson is cute, right?
Emerson. I love it.
Jules, I knew you could do it.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
Squeaks, say hi to little Theo.
Say hi to Mama. Can you say hi to Mama?
Say hi to Mama. Yeah, that's Mama's finger.
- Wendy? Hey, guys. - We need more suction here.
We're getting some high blood pressure.
Is she supposed to be falling asleep?
Wendy?
- A lot of bleeding here. - Hey! What is going on?
Okay, Mr. Cooper. Mr. Cooper, I think you need to step out.
We have everything under control in here. It's okay. Come with me.
Wendy, are you gonna be all right? Wendy?
Hey.
- Hey. - You've got doctor clothes on.
Yeah.
Everything okay?
We have a son.
But Wendy lost a lot of blood in there
so they made me wait out here.
So I don't know what's going on inside.
'Cause they made me wait out here.
It's gonna be okay.
I'm here for you. All right?
Thanks, Dad.
Here they come.
I promise to watch over this child.
And to bring him up proud and strong.
And as one who will always remember his Ethiopian heritage.
So help me God.
Amen.
Hi.
There we go, there we are.
I've been waiting for you!
Congratulations. You are parents.
Mr. Cooper? She's awake.
Name, "Emerson Jane Webber."
No.
- Baxter-Webber. - I hate hyphenated names.
Are we ever going to agree on anything?
The little stuff, probably not. The big stuff? Yes.
I can live with that.
Me, too.
Marry me.
No.
I'm just kidding.
I thought you'd never ask.
- Is that okay with you, too? - Is that all right with you?
Yeah? Yeah?
Way to go, Tater Tot.
Hi, little Theo.
Hi, little guy.
Gary, he's so beautiful.
Look at his little nose and his perfect little lips.
And he's so wise. Can't you tell? He's so wise.
That was the scariest night of my life. It was awful.
No.
It was beautiful.
It was so incredibly beautiful.
Yeah. That's what I meant.
It was incredibly beautiful.
I finally found it.
He's my glow.
He's my perfect, perfect glow.
- Feeling all right, Susie? - Shut up.
Marco?
Rosie, hey.
Hey. What are you guys doing here?
Dip-shit ran over my toe.
Oh. my God!
That is... I'm sorry.
No, that's okay. It's funny. Now.
I'll meet you in the truck, man.
- I'm really sorry. - Okay.
- What are you doing here? - My cousin,
the one married to that old... The racecar dude.
- Oh, yeah. - She had her babies, she had twins.
- Nice. Congratulations. That's great. - Thanks.
I was gonna go see them.
Do you wanna?
- What? - I don't know if that's weird.
It's a little weird,
but, yeah, I'd love to.
You okay?
Yeah. I'll have another chance when the time's right.
You will.
Those caramels were delicious, by the way.
The car-mels were really good, weren't they?
- Car-mels? - Yeah.
Caramels. What is wrong with you?
That's one good-looking kid you got there, Dr. Cooper.
Thanks. You, too.
When you were born, I wasn't even in the room.
Back then, no dad was.
Yeah. Maybe that was a good thing though.
I don't know. I missed a lot.
End of the day, family's all that matters.
Not the races, and the trophies, and the endorsements.
Not the money and the women, and the sex, and the drugs.
Partying with Jimmy Buffett on the back of Willie Nelson's bus.
None of that means jack shit when I'm gone.
But you guys. My kids,
that's all we really leave behind.
Say, "Mommy." Say, "Mama."